Showing posts with label IUI. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IUI. Show all posts

Friday, January 2, 2009

Hello, 2009!


I've always loved the New Year because it affords me an opportunity to be a little sentimental and philosophical about the passing year. Last year, I created a Top Ten list for our Christmas cards, reflecting back over the events occurring in our family over the course of 2007.

This year, I didn't have the creative energy to put it together (along with the energy to do much of anything "Holiday-related"), but now that it's Jan. 2 (IT'S FINALLY HERE!!), I have developed a new energy to document 2008's highlights, so here goes:


10. I ran a minimarathon with my good friend Angela. It was an amazing experience, and I loved every minute of it. I'm excited about doing it again someday.

9. Vacations to Boston and Washington D.C. Great trips, and according to everyone I know with kids, someday I'll be even more grateful for these "pre-kid" memories.

8. Starting a new job. It wasn't something I expected out of the year, but it was a tremendous gift all in all.

7. Discovering the blog world. This is certainly one of the best things that happened to me this year. Blogging has become an incredible, invaluable therapy for me through this infertility experience.

6. Progress in Infertility-ville: We endured half of an IVF cycle and 3 IUIs in 2008. Sure, none of them were successful, but we made it anyway (i.e. we're still alive).

5. L. started interviewing for jobs. This is a major hurdle in our lives as he's been in school for a very long time, and hopefully, life is going to settle down a little in 2009.

4. Significant family events: My sister broke up with her commitment-phobic boyfriend (this time, it's for good) and L.'s brother got married (my new sister-in-law and are far from what I would call "best friends", but we've managed to find some common ground with each other because, after all, what choice do we have?).

3. I endured IF and it's impact on my friendships. Some of this has been a disappointing (and harrowing) experience, but I've moved on nonetheless and am learning the merits of self-care.

2. I am learning that maybe unexplained infertility is a decent diagnosis if you have to have a diagnosis at all. I'm still working on this one, but L. almost has me convinced.

1. I feel closer than ever to my wonderful, amazing, committed, loyal husband. And, it just doesn't get better than that. No, I can't say that my #1 2008 is a positive pregnancy test, or the birth of a child. What I can say with absolute certainty, however, is that I am married to the most wonderful person for me on Earth.

So, that's my Top Ten List for the year. I'm going to dive back into the blogging world - I've missed you all, and I'm ready to start plugging along with you again.

Happy 2009. I hope it's "The Year" for us all.

By the way, we had a great kid-free New Year's, and it really rocked!! :)

Also, to celebrate the long-awaited arrival of January 2, I called the Clinic to let them know that we're ready to get started on the IVF thing again. Looks like Lupron will start around the 20th.

Monday, December 1, 2008

The Vacation is Officially OVER


Well, after 8 weeks of a beach vacation, AF is mad as Hell about returning to work.

Sunday: Day 14 post ovulation = pregnancy test = NEGATIVE. After testing, I forced myself to leave the house to buy a Starbucks peppermint mocha and promptly returned to bed to drink it while watching cheesy Christmas movies.

Today: Started spotting, which amazes me given that I'm still taking progesterone as instructed (they said to keep taking it through until Day 17 - post ovulation). AF has definitely broken through - the cramps are already starting.

(Incidentally, have any of you ever heard of starting your period while ON progesterone? I'm starting to wonder if we've stumbled onto some sort of explanation...)

It's going to be a rough one.

26 cycles down.

Ugh.

Wondering if this is ever going to end.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Progesterone is a Jedi Mind Trick


The last words of Suzie Angel Nurse keep ringing in my ears throughout this blasted two week wait (By the way, I'm convinced this woman was part of a Divine Intervention the day of our IUI. She was so perfect, I'm not sure she's actually human):

"Now, don't get too excited if you start having pregnancy symptoms this month. Progesterone is what the body produces when you're pregnant, so you might start feeling some things that make you think you might be, and I don't want for you to be disappointed..."


So, while AF is on hiatus, probably laying on a beach somewhere laughing her evil laugh, relishing the thought of resurfacing in our lives in a couple of weeks, the Jedi Mind Trick is here in full force.

Now, let me reitterate, I have NO idea what it would "feel like" to be pregnant. After all, the closest I've been to being pregnant in my 34 years was when I lost my virginity and spent the next 5 weeks obsessing that my period wasn't going to start.

However, this stuff is a crazy-making drug. I can convince myself (more easily than usual) that I'm feeling things I've never felt before, and that maybe, just maybe, this is it.

But, let's get real. AF is rolling over to get some sun on her ass about now, and she'll be ready to swoop in as soon as I throw in the towel with these suppositories.

On a completely unrelated note, I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. One of the things I am most thankful for this year is all of you who take a moment to read my rants.

I don't know how I dealt with this beast of a disease before I discovered the blog world.

You all rock.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Curveballs and Searching for Opal


After a couple of days to reflect, pray and nestle into the cocoon of supportive blogger and in-real-life friends and family, I'm ready to get back on the saddle.

Thank you to everyone who followed my blog, text messaged, called, and emailed. I can't tell you what it meant to feel surrounded by so much love during this time of great disappointment.

On Wednesday I felt like someone had snatched tickets to the World Series out of my hand and replaced them with admittance to a minor league baseball game. I was deeply moved this week by an e-mail message from a good friend of mine: Even curveballs produce homeruns, you know.

So today, we head two hours north for an IUI tomorrow morning.

Final numbers:
E2=712
3 (measurable) follicles (20, 20, 16.5)
Trigger shot last night.

Praying for the best and a little Opal Optimism in lieu of my good friend Debbie D.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I Hate to Be a Debbie Downer, But...



...I am.

E2 = 278
Follicles with hope of maturing = 3

We're screwed for this cycle. We're going to do one more ultrasound, and then they're recommending IUI on Sunday with plans to reconfigure my meds "if we don't conceive".

Please. The jig's up, let's face it.

This is probably related to my long stint on Lupron thanks to my beautiful cyst. At least, that's what I'm hoping. The Debbie-Downer part of me is wondering if this is some sort of sign that there are some other horrible things at play here. My RN doesn't seem to think so, and neither does L., but frankly, I think I have a right to be Debbie-Downer today given that I'm dealing with this news with massive amounts of hormones floating around in my body...needlessly, I might add.

Not much else to say except that life really sucks today.