This Is Crazy....

The Embryo High has evaporated.

I wasn't exactly expecting all this: the IVF Two-Week Wait is a new animal to me. Frankly, I didn't realize how emotionally difficult this was going to be.

In fact, I invested so much time and energy getting to this point that I never thought about what comes after. After all of the drama and Divine Intervention of the last few days, I feel like I've entered a desert of some kind - there's nothing for miles and miles and miles.

I am preoccupied with the fact that with Divine Assistance, we created life, and it was subsequently placed in my uterus. I am overwhelmed with this crazy emotional attachment to it, along with a sickening fear about whether or not it's still there.

I know I need to stay positive, keep hopeful, keep the faith.

I just never in a million years realized how hard this was going to be. I can't even fathom how I'm going to feel the night before that pregnancy test.

The IVF 2 week wait is the CROWN JEWEL of all 2 week waits. It doesn't get any more intense than this, at least not in my humble infertility experience.

Pales. In. Comparison.

Words of wisdom from those of you who have been through this would really be welcomed.

Really welcomed.

Praying. Praying. Praying.

A Sign

I've experienced a sign that we're headed in the right direction with our IF decisions. I've wanted to write about this for a couple of weeks or so, but I just had to let it all sink in first because it has been so very moving to me.

About a month ago, my CEO explained to me that he was reassigning me to a new position, developing a new program 45 miles north of where I'm working. I protested and finally explained to him that L & I were considering IVF. I explained that I didn't want or need this stress in my life right now.

He didn't care. He kept saying that this is where he wanted me to go, where I belonged.

I prayed and prayed, and I ultimately accepted that this guy was going to send me where he wanted, and I was just going to have to deal with it. I decided that it certainly wasn't the time to be out job-searching, especially while we're figuring out how to finance this whole IVF thing.

And, then my phone rang. An old boss of mine asked me to come to her Agency and manage branch of a program I'm already running. She offered me more money, and she was really encouraging and supportive when I told her about IVF.

In my heart and mind, I know this was all clearly Divine Intervention.

So, I'm starting my new job mid-August, and for the first time in a long time, I'm actually feeling excited about my work.

Most importantly, I find myself very reassured for the first time in a long time. We're walking in the right direction.