Sunday, August 10, 2008

A Message for the Stepford Wives of My Life


Many of the wives of my husband's work colleagues are part of a "group" which is supposedly for support purposes. To be an active, viable member on the "A-List" of this so-called "support group" (and I use this term loosely), you must have the following Stepford Wife-esque characteristics:

  • You must have children ("My husband and I had sex one time and suddenly we were pregnant with little Jenny!!")

  • You must be a stay-at-home mom.

  • You must have minimal or no career aspirations. As a woman in your late 20's/early 30's, you tell everyone that "career days" are over - now your focus is your children. Perhaps you'll do the world a favor and "volunteer" someday.

  • You absolutely do not believe in day care of any kind as it is a destructive influence to children and research says as much!
So, this week I received a group e-mail from one of them (I guess someone forgot to remove my career-driven, infertile ass from the mailing list). Here's a summation:

"We have many babies on the way, and we want to start planning meal delivery to each of our new moms! Would you believe we have 3 babies due in October and 5 in November?! It's a baby boom! Please let me know when you'll be available to deliver meals to each of our new families!"

Today, this e-mail entered my mind, and I became enraged when I thought about how all these women care about is a traditional, perfect world in which fertility treatment is not necessary and if it were, it would be spoken about in hushed whispers. If a woman actually trusted these people enough to divulge that kind of information (which would be amazing in and of itself), she would be pitied and discussed behind her back.

So, I started fantasizing about a "Reply To All" response. It would go something like this:

"Dear Mary (and the rest of you fertile people),

Thank you so much for your e-mail, but I think you left me off your meal delivery list. I, too, will be in need of prepared meals as I undergo IVF over October/November. My doctor has told me to prepare for discomfort and bloating as my ovaries work over-time to produce massive numbers of follicles, and something tells me that the last thing I'm going to feel like doing is cooking for my man. Also, so you'll know my "timeline" (or "due date" in language you ladies comprehend), I expect the egg retrieval will be sometime in early November, and this will also be an uncomfortable time. I will also need meals post embryo transfer as I'm supposed to remain on my back for 48-72 hours or so. However, after all we're going through to get to that point, it's going to take a forklift to pull me out of bed as I'll be so worried about our embryo(s) detaching from my uterus as a result of me returning to work (I'm sure you would advise me I should quit working if I'm that serious about getting knocked up!).

Hopefully this timeline will give you all plenty of opportunities to bring meals to L. & I since this is after all, supposedly a "support" group. Many thanks in advance. Yours, L.L.

Perhaps this all sounds a little bitter, and maybe it is. It's not that I see anything wrong with staying at home with your child - hell, after everything we're doing to get to that point, I can actually see that happening in our family. It's just the fact that these women never stop to consider that there are other times in a woman's life when support is needed outside of childbirth, playdates and first birthday parties. This lack of comprehension is simply because infertility (and other issues that affect a lot of women) is so outside their realm of experience.

Needless to say, I have little to do with these women anymore. And after re-reading my post today, I think it's time for me to request that my name be removed from their mailing list!

16 comments:

womb for improvement said...

What gets me is the absolute lack of imagination that these women must have. To have 8 babies due in two months leads me to believe the list is pretty big, so following the 1 in 6 rule you probably aren't the only woman having difficulty but those who have written the email clearly haven't stopped to think how others might feel. That, and the fact that she used four exclamation marks in one paragraph would get me snarling. (Also you know they only want to do the meal delivery so they can check out the new Mum's house and probably bitch about the cleanliness).

Penny said...

Eww, I would shutter to get those emails - even without the infertility issues.

If they weren't remotely tied to your DH's workplace, I would totally root for you to send some kind of email back, perhaps as perky as the original, requesting the meals for your upcoming IVF. Ha! That would shut them up.

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Lauren said...

Oh my gosh, I would immediately ask them to remove my name from their list! you don't even have to give them an explanation if you don't want to. What insensitivity.

Jane G said...

Ooooh, that would really get my back up! I'd go with Penny's suggestion. Some of these uber fertile people just don't have a clue, do they?

Support group, my ass!

Anonymous said...

Seriously! This sounds like an annoying group of fertiles... and why can't the new parents just order takeout in this day and age! I think you should reply back that you will be undergoing invasive medical procedures at that time and will be unable to participate. I wonder if they would then offer to bring you a meal, too?

nh said...

Ouch.
Perhaps you should send your email - ok they will gossip, but it might be worth it.

Hope2morrow said...

Bles your heart. I think you should ask to be removed form the list. Maybe they'll get the hint.

I Believe in Miracles said...

We do the meals for new moms at our church. I think it's a great way to serve. I love cooking, so I don't mind making the meals. I think I'm strange. Certain things bother me, others don't. HOWEVER - I had a great breaking moment at church. This one girl that I've been super jealous of had their kid baptized on Sunday. And I felt this awesome sense of peace and just pure happiness for them. It was great!

I think it definately merrits being removed from the list!!

**BIG HUGS**

Faith said...

AH we can be friends -- I totally get that post. Sheesh. Came here from I Believe In Miracles, and I'm adding you to my blogroll. If all cylinders fire correctly, we'll be on the same cycle in September!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like what you need is a home-made chicken pot pie. The recipe my working mother always used. A can of corn, can of veg-all,can of chicken, can of chicken soup and a frozen pie crust. Yummy-The best Sunday Dinner!

mommy of girls said...

Hey Leslie Laine...

Just had to let you know that I'd love to be a fly on the wall if you'd send that email. That would be so hysterical.

Doll...ya know if you lived closer I would love to bring you dinner. I could send ya take out! :-)

Love ya!

J

petridishbaby said...

I'm with Penny, you have to send that email. Women like that need their horizons expanded, and you have been given the perfect opportunity. And unless they are total hypocrites, and you make it a "nice" request for support.... you should get some free dinners out of the deal. It's win-win. And who cares if they talk about you?

Anonymous said...

I'm sitting here cracking up at your "response" to the mommy club. Know that people will be inconsiderate through this-some on purpse and some not. Know that others in your life will be utterly supportive at all times-if you want to get away, complain about the stepford wives, or cry on a shoulder.

all my love to you!

Amber said...

Damn - that's a hell of an email. You should've sent your response and watch them twitch.

Anonymous said...

Being bitter and rude and closed-minded will not help you get pregnant. Grow up.