Wednesday, March 11, 2009

This Is Crazy....


The Embryo High has evaporated.

I wasn't exactly expecting all this: the IVF Two-Week Wait is a new animal to me. Frankly, I didn't realize how emotionally difficult this was going to be.

In fact, I invested so much time and energy getting to this point that I never thought about what comes after. After all of the drama and Divine Intervention of the last few days, I feel like I've entered a desert of some kind - there's nothing for miles and miles and miles.

I am preoccupied with the fact that with Divine Assistance, we created life, and it was subsequently placed in my uterus. I am overwhelmed with this crazy emotional attachment to it, along with a sickening fear about whether or not it's still there.

I know I need to stay positive, keep hopeful, keep the faith.

I just never in a million years realized how hard this was going to be. I can't even fathom how I'm going to feel the night before that pregnancy test.

The IVF 2 week wait is the CROWN JEWEL of all 2 week waits. It doesn't get any more intense than this, at least not in my humble infertility experience.

Pales. In. Comparison.

Words of wisdom from those of you who have been through this would really be welcomed.

Really welcomed.

Praying. Praying. Praying.

16 comments:

Emily said...

Stay busy!!! Lots of distractions are a good thing. Stay away from Dr. Google. GL!!!!

Alex and Jill said...

My first 2ww was excruciating. I freaked over every single twinge. I tried to get my mind off of it and it would always came back. I think the first is that way for everyone. I'm praying this will be your last 2ww for a while...because you'll be preggers for 9 long months! :)

I have to say though...I'm on my 3rd 2ww and I'm putting my pregnancy test off for an extra week. On my first one, I would have never done this. But I'm totally calm and at peace about it. I just know everything is going to be fine, no matter what. God holds me (and you) in His hands and there is no better place to be. :)

((HUGS))

The secret diary of an infertile said...

Sorry, I have no words of wisdom as I have never experienced the IVF two week wait but I couldn't pass by your blog without posting. I can only imagine just how stressful it must be. Really hoping that the time starts to move forward quickly and that you find inner strength to deal with it. Keep positive.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

No wisdom, just well wishes.

mommy of girls said...

Doll...naturally you feel attached. Welcome to motherhood! I know you are scared. And nervous. Keep praying...and I will too. It's natural to feel scared of the "what ifs". And girl...that doesn't stop with a positive pregnancy test either. Then you have a whole new box of "what ifs". And I can tell you from experience, that losing one...from the womb...sucks. It hurts. You are attached. And that is your baby. Miscarriage is terrible. So my prayer is that you don't have to know that pain. The pain of all this has been enough. I plan to keep my prayers focused on getting that life in your uterus to be life in your arms. And I plan to believe that your wait is no longer 2 weeks...but 40!!! Keeping the faith...and always praying. Love you!

Penny said...

Well, here is my own experience; a very intense time, I agree.

I used my 2ww to decide what to do "in the event of a disappointment." It gave me some peace of mind that I had another plan, that if my hopes were going to be shattered that at least I could drag myself out of the depths by clinging to this next thing.

For me, the "next thing" was to stop fertility treatments. Which may not sound like a plan, but with the stopping came other plans of exercise, dieting, drinking, and generally getting my mind off of infertility. It did help to bring peace of mind, relatively.

other than that? Distractions. Lots of movies. Lots of work. Lots of...uh, I don't know, there doesn't seem to be a ton of things for an IVF patient to do, does there?

Just, best of luck this next couple weeks. It seems endless. It nearly is. but there is an end. Which is almost as scary as it not ending.

Jane G said...

No words of experience here, but just want to wish you all the best. I can't begin to imagine how excrutiating the wait must be.

Lauren said...

Oh honey, believe me, I know. Here's what I did. I was still on the "embryo high" (as you so aptly described it) for 3 days or so after the transfer. After that, I tried to keep myself busy. I had a stack of books and magazines to get me through the rest of the weekend. I watched a lot of tv. I even got out and walked a bit a few days after the transfer (a short one). I went back to work the next week and tried to keep my mind busy. It didn't get really hard til about the middle of the week. THen I just kept praying that God would give me peace and strength regardless of the outcome. The last weekend was super hard--really, maybe the hardest thing I've gone through--your mind will be in a million different places. But I really think it's most important to pray. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus."

Lauren said...

Oh, and one more thing--I felt lots of period-like cramps, but everyone assured me that that's totally normal and to not freak out about it. Hopefully you can do better than I did with that!

Lea said...

Since I haven't been through this (yet), I just wanted to drop by with some ((hugs)) and a ton of luck!!! I hope it goes quickly and with a BFP outcome!!!

I Believe in Miracles said...

YEAH! I'm so excited that you made it through and had the ER (great #s by the way) and the ET!!! This makes me so so so so happy.

The 2 ww after the transfer is HARD. I waited until I was 11dpo to test, but even then I was super nervous. It can be great to test if you get BFPs, but terrible if you don't. So my best advice is to keep busy and distracted and as best you can, think positive and pray.

Praying for you.

~~HUGS~~

womb for improvement said...

Not been there myself. But certainly stay away from Dr Google is very sound advice. Stay busy, somehow.

just me said...

I am sure you are experiencing a 2ww like none other. I have no words of encouragement other than that I am praying for you and thinking about you often.

learningtobestillandknow said...

Stay busy, busy, busy! I can't imagine how intense the wait must be, but I bet a bit of distraction would be a nice break!

Anonymous said...

I cannot offer suggestions from the perspective of the IVF 2 WW - but I can offer thoughts on what is a healthy way (diversion) to spend time while one is going thru anxiety and apprehension. I know you won't be planning to train for a marathon - so that is out.But, as much as you can - fill your time with things unrelated to your preoccupation.Make new recipes, Create your beautiful cards, Pot a plant for the inside of the house, Go see a friend or family member, Entertain - even if you are half hearted over it, Do something extra special for someone who isn't expecting it, Work on a photo album, A movie - not sad or emotional, Music - fun and/or soothing, Buy new make-up, Paint your nails .... all 20, Spend time with someone that you can cheer up, Spend time with someone that can cheer you up, Do something at work that is unpredictable.

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