Writings dedicated to the ongoing roller coaster of our infertility experience
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Introducing Another IVF "Friend"....
After a great visit with my shrink yesterday afternoon, I walked out into the sunshine actually believing it was okay to feel hopeful about this cycle. She helped me understand that we'll be disappointed (okay, devastated) if this doesn't work, but there's nothing wrong with feeling some hope right now.
Essentially, it's going to suck either way if it's a negative.
After my appointment, I went to have coffee with an old friend I haven't seen in many months. I initiated this time with her because we will be moving in a few months, and I wanted to reconnect with her. She's a bit on the intense side, but I thought it would be a good diversion. She's one half of a couple with no kids, so I knew there would be no baby talk.
Well, I thought I knew.
We talked work for about 30 minutes, from which she launched into a discussion about her recent IVF cycle: "If you ever need a fertility specialist, I know a really good one. We just went through an IVF cycle. By the way, I'm 9 weeks pregnant."
She suggested the specialist in the same tone one would recommend a dentist or a hairstylist.
I was astounded and couldn't help but stammer that we just gone through the same thing. It seemed like the natural thing to do given the circumstances - I mean, I don't typically have coffee with someone for the first time in months only to hear that they just underwent IVF.
Her response: "Well, if it doesn't work, I know this great specialist..."
The remainder of the conversation was me listening to her complain about her pregnancy symptoms and how awful being pregnant is - "I'm soooo tired of being sick, and all I want to do is eat. This is just awful."
Needless to say, after a few minutes, I thought of somewhere else I needed to be and abruptly ended this fiasco.
I am realizing that IVF has many faces, and amazingly, simply going through it doesn't mean that you have an ounce of empathy or compassion. I have now encountered two women who have ridden the IVF roller coaster, and I couldn't feel farther apart from either of them in terms of their emotional response to this experience.
Today, I'm moving on from this horrific coffee date. Frankly, a few more months of separation from this friend (if not a permanent arrangement) might definitely be in order.
I have been married to my husband for 2 years, and I think he's more amazing every day. I work full time in management, and on most days I love what I do. Also, I'm 34 and making it my personal mission to ignore what the statistics have to say about my next birthday and the odds of conception.