Tuesday, September 2, 2008

An Epiphany


Today, as I forced myself to do my 30 minute power walk, I was overcome with love and adoration for my husband. Typically, during these walks I am wrestling with "poor me" thoughts and the nagging question: "Why us?" However, today, the answers flowed into my consciousness in a way that let me know for certain that God was with me. Suddenly, I was overcome with epiphany afer epiphany about this whole infertility experience. The resounding thought in my brain was that this whole thing has given me the opportunity to demonstrate love for my husband in a way that most people never really get. I mean, really, how much commitment does it really take to hop into bed a couple of times, have great sex and end up with two pink lines?

Because of this IF challenge, I have to face a tremendous fear and demonstrate an insane amount of dedication. Sometimes I have to remind myself why I'm doing this:

The reason I'm preparing to shoot myself up with a hormone cocktail is because I love this man and want to have a baby with him more than anything in the world. And going through what we're going through truly is a demonstration that it is something we both want more than anything in the world. Damn, I'm blessed to even experience this much love for another human being without being a mom myself.


I hope this doesn't sound too corny - sometimes I'm overwhelmed with emotion these days as I never quite envisioned that my life path would be winding through Lupron and Gonal-F injections. But, sometimes, just for a fleeting moment, all of this craziness really does make sense.

Okay, I'm signing off for now. Somebody remind me of this post next month when my belly and butt are bruised from injections. :)


14 comments:

rgram962 said...

I don't think this is corny at all. I am glad that you are counting your blessings and have found your prince. I am praying!!!
I Love You

Penny said...

Nah. Not too corny. IF does have a tendency to make us reach into the depths of our souls and find the good as well.

I'm glad this is a bonding experience with your husband.

Amy said...

I've been reading your blog for a little bit now but I don't think I've ever commented. (I read so many it's hard to keep track.) Anyway. I have been having similar epiphany moments lately about TTC. I am ALMOST thankful for the struggle it has been because it has taught me so much and I know my marriage is stronger for it. Would I have liked it to have been easier? Definitely. But then I would have missed out on quite a bit of learning.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Very corny, but in a good way!

I know what you mean about all this stirring up emotions.

All this pushes some people apart and some together.

I've been lucky, and I'm glad to see it looks like you have too.

I Believe in Miracles said...

You know I'll remind you!!! Great epiphany...

womb for improvement said...

Its catch 22. I get this too, part of the reason I want a kid so much is because I specifically want my husband's child. If I didn't love him so much it wouldn't hurt not being able to as much ...

courtney said...

I love it... And I don't think it's corny. I've often thought of my single friends and my heart breaks for them, because they don't even know if they can Have children. At least I have a partner to go through the tough times with.
I'm encouraged by your post. Nice.

Alex and Jill said...

Makes perfect sense to me. :)

Thank you for sharing...

Emma's Mommy said...

Not corny at all!! Going through challenges in marriage either brings you together or pushes you apart - and it us usually extreme either way. You are incredibly blessed to have come together and learned so much about each other. But let me tell you.....once your IVF is successful (I am being positive) and you are pregnant (again, being positive) and you finally hold your sweet baby (still positive)........your love for your spouse is unmeasurable.

BTW - good job for doing a 30 minute power walk. I do good to get from one end of my house to the other :-)

Emily said...

I love this post! It made me a little teary-eyed.

CG said...

IF does bring us closer to our husbands. Good write up.

Casey said...

I know what you mean...now I have more epiphany days that "why us" days. Unfortunately, today is a "why me" day. I also feel that this whole IF experience has brought my husband and me closer. I'm praying for you!!! I'm gonna go cry (again for the 6th time today!) Great post!

learningtobestillandknow said...

I think it's super sweet. I've often thought about how much love and dedication it's taken to walk down the infertility road, as opposed to couples who are just popping them out. My husband and I are more in love than ever.

Wishing you lots more epiphanys!

Faith said...

Not corny -- beautiful! Thanks for sharing.