Saturday, September 6, 2008

Standing (Stationary) in the Emergency Lane


So, today was a little downhill for me.

I attended my work's "Family Fun Day", an event for all the Agency staff, families, kids, etc. Calling it a "Fun" day is a bit of a stretch, because it didn't feel too damned fun to me.

First of all, why is it that everywhere I go, someone is compelled to share their pregnancy story, their daughter's pregnancy story or, hell, even their cat's pregnancy story? It's as if I have something written on my forehead that says, "Tell me about how easy it was for you (and/or anyone you know) to procreate."

Secondly, I feel so left out. I'm either surrounded by early 20-somethings who haven't even begun thinking about pregnancy (and the daunting prospect of IF isn't even a blip on their radar screens - how I miss those days!) or 30-somethings who have children who look old enough to enter high school. I swear, I look at some of these kids and feel so behind. I find myself wondering if I missed something somewhere...how the hell did I get here again?

I guess that "family" can mean many different things, and right now, my family is L. I do feel fortunate for that, as well as the many other blessings in my life. But you know, sometimes it just feels like the whole world is forging ahead, and I'm standing on the side of the road looking at everyone whizzing past.

Another lovely day in IF world. Here's to a better day tomorrow...I'll let you know about that.

13 comments:

My Infertility Diaries said...

i think i have that on my forehead too. everyone seems to feel the need to tell me their birthing story..so i have to be like ohh wow...awesome....like i understand at all. you described it well...stuck behind while everyone else moves forward. i totally feel ya there. i pray that tomorrow is better for you...HUGS!!!

Emily said...

Thanks once again for amazingly supportive comments!

Sorry you had a tough day. Events like that can be such a toss up when going through IF, sometimes they are a refreshing change, but more often they are a source of pain.

Hoping tomorrow is a better day!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Watching the world pass you by.

I understand that.

Take care.

Hope2morrow said...

Oh, not good. I'm s o sorry. But you hit the nail on the head when you said some days are better than others. I hope the next few bring you some solitude.

Penny said...

The "fun day" would have definitely not have been fun for me. And I have a kid! I hate hearing pregnancy stories too. I don't know if I'll ever adjust to hearing them and not thinking about my own struggles.

mommy of girls said...

Hello, friend...

Still praying for you...daily....

Love you.
J

B.Bear said...

I feel for you. I keep trying to tell myself that I still have time to catch up, but they just seem to keep getting farther and farther away. Sometimes I find myself getting down even when I am around my nieces and nephews. I hope that tomorrow brings you a brighter day.

Jane G said...

I know how you feel, everyone else moving on and you're stuck. It's the way I feel most days.

I Believe in Miracles said...

i mentioned something to hubby about 'starting a family' and he said, 'we already are a family'. eek! i felt awful.

i hope tomorrow is better!!

**HUGS**

Deborah said...

I so understand what you are saying. It's difficult to be in neutral, while everyone else is going at least 55 mph. I often wonder what makes them so special that it all came so easy for them and what did I do so wrong that it has been so darn difficult.

Emma's Mommy said...

...passing you by. Even though I have been blessed with one daughter (after a very long time), I feel like I am just standing on the sidelines waiting while everyone else is getting pregnant with #2 ,3, or 4 even. I am praying for you as you continue down this road that you are on. I can't wait to hear about your first blessing!

Jill said...

Life in the slow lane! I am living it too. My sister is 6 years younger than me and already has a 22 month old! My friends are having their second child and I'm still trying to figure out how to get pregnant!!!

Faith said...

Hang in there, and know that there are lots of us who are also on the sidelines that are cheering you on!!!