Sunday, November 23, 2008

Coffee & Getting Lapped

I'm going to coffee (decaf of course) this evening with my friend who has been avoiding me lately.

I think that she's getting ready to break the news that we've been "lapped". She has a beautiful daughter who will be 2 in February, and I know they've been working on Number 2. Given that the first child was conceived after 3 sexual encounters in one month, I am sure that Number 2 is right around the corner.

I'm feeling sad about the friendships in my life that have been tested by infertility. I know that she's dreading telling me news that should be so joyous and wonderful for her to share, and I hate the way I feel about it.

L. & I moved here over three years ago, and I encountered several girls who I became very close to in a relatively short period of time. My struggle with IF has threatened those relationships in ways they would have never been tested if only we had conceived along with everyone else, when we first started trying.

And, now here we are over 2 years later, still trying, still struggling. Again, it feels like everyone is moving along ahead of us, and I can't help but feel angry about the fact that their relationships with each other were never tested the way mine has been with them - simply because I've been dealing with an issue that they cannot understand. And, really, they can't understand.

I suppose it is simply easier for them to be friends with someone who connects with them as "new moms".

On the other hand, and more important, I am grateful for the way IF has cemented so many other relationships in my life. I have a renewed appreciation for my mom, for my old friends and for my entire family. Struggling through this with the people who stick with you gives the relationship a whole new layer of history.

That's a better perspective, isn't it?


Emily said...

IF is such a double edged sword in so many ways - especially in the relationship department. I did a post about this a few months ago. It can be heartbreaking.

April said...

thanks for the thoughtful comments on my blog! we are definitely saying very similiar things. it totally sucks that people don't know how to respond to IF. it's a chronic disease with awful social implications.

i enjoyed reading your blog and catching up. i'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.


Hope2morrow said...

I have reflected on a few lost relationships as well. But I also think about all those that I have gained- those that can handle what I have become. Those that can handle the "new me." Those that can handle the truth.

I'd rather be in a truthful friendship than living a lie. Glad your perspective shifted at he end of your post too.

mommy of girls said...

Hey doll. Hope the coffee went well. I am still praying for you and L. Your strength never ceases to amaze me. I am praying that this IF be a thing of your past and that you will be holding your very own baby in the near future. I was loving the quote you gave from a friend who told you that even curve balls can turn into home runs. I pray that for you. I know you want a baby so badly. I want that for you too. Praying...


Leslee said...

I hope that your coffee went well last night, news or no news.


Penny said...

Oh yikes. That news is never fun when you're in the midst of infertility. I only hope she shows good tact about the whole thing.

Lea said...

I've had very similar experiences with my IRL friends. I'm not very good in the friendship department anyway, so this certainly doesn't help! It's not always easy to see the bright side. At least we have eachother, right? :)

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I must say, I've very recently had my eyes opened to some friendships I've had for many years.

Unfortunately, I'm finding less and less viable ones.

(just noticed the heading on your blogroll btw - funny)

KandiB said...

It's so true...I've grown to truly appreciate those (few) in my life who have stood beside me through all the ups and (mostly) downs and have come to realize that many "friends" weren't friends at all - but rather acquaintances who didn't have the heart to stick the distance.

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

I just came across you blog and realized we are at exactly the same spot in our 2ww. i hope we both get great news next week!

I Believe in Miracles said...

Ugh. I've become not as close to friends that don't know about my IF and have multiple kids. It's hard. IF is hard because it penetrates all aspects of your life and it's hard to get those parts back. I'm praying for you.

Kristin said...

Read the past few posts and definitely have to agree that progesterone makes you crazy (at least it did with me). IF was both the biggest challenge and biggest blessing in my life. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but I can truly say I am thrilled with some of the blessings it brought to my life.