I made an appointment with the (in)Fertility Shrink for next Thursday. I haven't seen her in several months, but I am going to have get some perspective on all of this - I'm not doing very well with it at all.
I've been asking myself a very difficult question since yesterday, and it keeps going through my head over and over again: Why didn't I call earlier? Why did I wait until 10 days after I stopped the pill to call those nurses?
I am not blaming myself for this. I am, however, questioning the fact that I am not a lackadaisical person about these kinds of things. I am the overly worried, neurotic, anal-retentive patient who begs the ultrasound tech to tell me everything she's seeing as she sees it. I carry a green three ring binder to all my appointments. I am the patient who drives these nurses crazy with question after question.
My sister called me Monday evening and asked, "So, has it started yet?"
My response was, "No, and I'm not really worried about it. It'll start when it starts."
That's not like me because I really was feeling a sense of apathy. Obviously. I waited 10 whole days to do anything about it.
I think a part of me is so tired that I don't even want to think about it anymore. I've enjoyed my break, and I'm not overly enthused about getting back into the game.
So tell me, have you ever just felt like enough is enough, and how in the hell did you find it in yourself to keep trudging through this?
By the way, this is not a rhetorical question - I would really like your feedback. I need some momentum. Badly.