Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I Am So Over This Whole Thing

I've really had it.

Apparently, Nurse Nightingale forgot to explain to me that I should be looking for a little spotting and not a full blown period. So, I missed it.

Seriously?

I called the Clinic today, and they said that I have to wait for my next period (which is probably about 3 weeks away) because I somehow should have known that a little spotting was my period this cycle. I've been sitting around waiting for the real thing. Then, it's baseline all over again, and I guess stims - I'm waiting to hear back from them about that part.

I am furious with her for not explaining that for me. I am furious with myself for not being more proactive by calling sooner. And I am most furious with the fact that we even have to go through this crazy madness.

This is getting ridiculous.

I am beginning to think that we aren't supposed to do this. It's like we can't even get past the starting line, and I'm so tired of going through this again and again.

So, I'm feeling sorry for myself because I don't understand why this is happening or what I've done in my life to deserve this misery (must have been something pretty damned bad). It just keeps happening over and over again, and I'm just exhausted of dealing with all the pregnant people, the fact that my 35th birthday is about 4 months away and the fact that practically everyone I know is well into their child bearing/having experience.

So, if we go forward (and I guess we don't have a choice since the money is already out there), we're looking at yet another month away.

I'm so tired.

16 comments:

womb for improvement said...

Shit. No way! Nurse Nightingale isn't living up to her reputation. Sorry.

Megan said...

I'm so sorry you missed your chance this month. That must be so frustrating. Sometimes I think the health professionals think we know more than we do. I for one don't know much!

Alex and Jill said...

I'm so sorry. I think our clinics get so busy, that sometimes they forget that we're people with a problem, that we're paying them a lot of money to fix.

I'm going to be praying specifically...that you get pregnant by your upcoming birthday. :)

((HUGS))

Lea said...

I'm so sorry, Leslie. That really sucks and it IS ridiculous. I hope you can get some rest on your new break. Many hugs.

Penny said...

Oh god, really? Really?!? I'm so sorry. I don't think it means you're not meant to do this, I think it means your clinic needs to get their head out of their ass.

Although, to be on the safe side, can you get a second opinion from the clinic? At least for next time's reference? because I remember spotting all the way through BC, and then I was waiting for "the period" after that.

Emily said...

Oh honey! I am so sorry. I would have totally missed it too, my nurses are always saying "call with FULL flow - not spotting"

You have not done anything to deserve this, but I know it can feel that way sometimes.

I hope this cycle has such a happy ending that this is all just a distant memory soon.

HUGS!!!

wannabmomma said...

I'm so sorry. Don't blame yourself! The doc or nurse should know better than to assume you know what to look for. I can only imagine how frustrated you are.

I'm thinking about you and hope that time goes by fast!

Mo and Will said...

That. So. Completely. Sucks. I would be livid. I am so sorry.

Mo

mommy of girls said...

Hey doll. That stinks. It does. I am so sorry. But I just keep thinking and praying and believeing that if you can get past the "starting line" (as you call it)...you will end up with a little baby to love. I believe, doll. I do. And in the end it will be so worth it. I'll keep praying for an AWESOME February for you. Love you, doll. Praying.

I Believe in Miracles said...

I want to scream. Are you kidding me?! Grr. I'm so SO mad at that nurse. I'm sorry about the delay, again.

I started calling my nurse about everything, even if it was a small question, just to be sure, so I didn't miss anything. They got to know me real well!! Hopefully the 3 weeks will go really quickly.

just me said...

I understand the feeling of being "so over" it. I often wonder what I have done. But I don't think any of us have done anything in our lives to deserve NOT being able to conceive. This is NOT your fault. Nurse Nightingale is the one at fault for not explaining everything to you. I have a friend who had the same type of problems with her clinic. They ended up traveling almost two hours to go somewhere else and are now in the process if IVF #3. I pray that both of you have a better experience this go around and soon will have a sweet bundle to hold.

Lauren said...

I'm so sorry for this setback. You're right, the nurse totally should have let you know what to expect. I'm so sorry.

Cassandra said...

Geez, that is lame.

Hope you can do something fun (drinking? bungee jumping?) that you wouldn't be able to do during a cycle, and best wishes when the cycle does finally start.

Shalini said...

I just read your latest post, that completely sucks. Don't they realise how time conscious we are?!?

I love the title of your blog by the way. I remember reading 'what to expect' when I got my first BFP. I think I threw it in a cupboard in a fit of rage at some stage. blergh. don't belong to that happy camper world.

I'm sorry about this setback...all the best when the next cycle starts!!

Shinejil said...

I can't believe they did this, meaning tell you that AF could be very, very, very light... Dumbbutts!

I'm so sorry, after all the bcps and lupron, you have this delay. It just sucks.

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