....All this positive thought over the last few days made me think a lot about the energy I'm creating inside my body as I react to the natural pitfalls of life. Things that tend to really drive me crazy:
- Constant change and shifting at work
- My sister-in-law (whether I see her or not, I flinch even when I hear her name!)
- The Why-Me Syndrome
- Waiting for the "Bullet" of hearing about the next pregnant person I know in my life
I've been thinking about the atmosphere my reactions to these issues might be creating inside my body. Allowing myself a good cry now and then is one thing, but ruminating over all the "small stuff" in life can't be helpful in creating a warm, fuzzy place for our future child to live and grow.
So, I've spent the last 48 hours trying to figure out ways to improve my general sense of well-being. Here's what I've come up with:
- Walking instead of running...taking time breathe. I know, I know, running doesn't hurt your changes of getting pregnant. Still, I can't help but wonder if brisk walking with a lot of deep breathing, good music and the benefit of endorphin production might be more productive in terms of what we're trying to accomplish. I love running, but perhaps it's become symbolic of me being unable to keep from slowing down to relax and enjoy life. I want to work on creating a quiet, meditative environment in my body during the act of exercise and not after. There's plenty of time to train for the next 10-K!
- Doing things for myself. Today, I got a pedicure, and it felt really good.
- Taking a moment to celebrate life's accomplishments that have nothing to do with procreation. I had an amazing job offer yesterday, and L. is starting to schedule interviews! These are things to feel good about...with or without a child in the picture!
- Scheduling an acupuncture appointment. I go a week from tomorrow, and I think it'll be great to see what impact I can have on my ability to relax. This accupuncturist does a lot of work with infertility and has requested to see my FSH results, etc. I think that's a good sign.
- Blogging. It's been such an incredible inspiration to me over the last couple of weeks to start recording my thoughts on-line. The therapeutic benefit is amazing!! Reading your blogs has also helped me immeasurably as I've realized I'm not alone in the world!! I have particularly enjoy the I Believe in Miracle's Blog (http://ibleafnmiracles.blogspot.com/) and I'm moved at the encouragement to support one another in this particular blog.
So, that's where I am today - trying to discern ways of making my body a more welcoming place. I'm also trying to believe that God is going to give us a child, one way or the other, and everything is going to work out.
How's that for optimism on Day 21?