Wednesday, July 2, 2008

If I Were an Embryo, Would I Want to Live Inside My Uterus?

....All this positive thought over the last few days made me think a lot about the energy I'm creating inside my body as I react to the natural pitfalls of life. Things that tend to really drive me crazy:
  • Constant change and shifting at work
  • My sister-in-law (whether I see her or not, I flinch even when I hear her name!)
  • The Why-Me Syndrome
  • Waiting for the "Bullet" of hearing about the next pregnant person I know in my life

I've been thinking about the atmosphere my reactions to these issues might be creating inside my body. Allowing myself a good cry now and then is one thing, but ruminating over all the "small stuff" in life can't be helpful in creating a warm, fuzzy place for our future child to live and grow.

So, I've spent the last 48 hours trying to figure out ways to improve my general sense of well-being. Here's what I've come up with:

  1. Walking instead of running...taking time breathe. I know, I know, running doesn't hurt your changes of getting pregnant. Still, I can't help but wonder if brisk walking with a lot of deep breathing, good music and the benefit of endorphin production might be more productive in terms of what we're trying to accomplish. I love running, but perhaps it's become symbolic of me being unable to keep from slowing down to relax and enjoy life. I want to work on creating a quiet, meditative environment in my body during the act of exercise and not after. There's plenty of time to train for the next 10-K!
  2. Doing things for myself. Today, I got a pedicure, and it felt really good.
  3. Taking a moment to celebrate life's accomplishments that have nothing to do with procreation. I had an amazing job offer yesterday, and L. is starting to schedule interviews! These are things to feel good about...with or without a child in the picture!
  4. Scheduling an acupuncture appointment. I go a week from tomorrow, and I think it'll be great to see what impact I can have on my ability to relax. This accupuncturist does a lot of work with infertility and has requested to see my FSH results, etc. I think that's a good sign.
  5. Blogging. It's been such an incredible inspiration to me over the last couple of weeks to start recording my thoughts on-line. The therapeutic benefit is amazing!! Reading your blogs has also helped me immeasurably as I've realized I'm not alone in the world!! I have particularly enjoy the I Believe in Miracle's Blog ( and I'm moved at the encouragement to support one another in this particular blog.

So, that's where I am today - trying to discern ways of making my body a more welcoming place. I'm also trying to believe that God is going to give us a child, one way or the other, and everything is going to work out.

How's that for optimism on Day 21?


Penny said...

I believe in the power of positive thought too, and this is coming from someone with a lot of pessimism. It isn't necessarily that you must *think positive!* in order for a good outcome; I just think that thinking positive thoughts, or any other form of meditation that slows the breathing rate and heart rate can help the stress levels and hence the blood flow.

Courtney said...

keep those positive thoughts coming! And keep us updated on the accupuncture appt! I've heard some really great things about that!