The thought of "announcing" our IVF plans feels a little like pulling my pants down in front of everyone I know. However, now that we have officially decided to go forward with IVF, this is our dilemma: Do we just put what we're doing out there into the cosmos and hope for the best?
We have already shared with our parents. At this point, I'm suggesting being even more open with our infertility diagnosis and just treating it as a medical issue for which we need (and deserve) support from everyone in our lives.
I really want input re: this because it's something I'm very conflicted about. On one hand, we think it would decrease the stress we feel about heading into something so taxing and that it might normalize it to some degree. For example, we recently started making plans with several of our college friends to attend football homecoming at our alma mater, only to realize after meeting with our RE that we will most likely be in the middle of egg retrieval when that date rolls around. Part of me just wants to e-mail our college friends (90% of whom have at least one child already) and just say, "Look, we're infertile and we're going for the big guns - we probably won't be able to make it. Deal with it."
That would be so freeing. And, it would allow people the opportunity to pray for us and to be more sensitive about asking about our plans to start a family.
However, allowing people the opportunity to be more sensitive doesn't exactly mean that's what we'll get...which is why I liken this openness to pulling one's pants down in an arena full of wide-eyed faces. I think about my sister-in-law, for example. For those of you who don't know her (and trust me, I complain about her to anyone who will listen), she has to be one of the most insensitive people I've ever encountered. The things that fly out of her mouth are often head turning and nothing short of incredible. I find my head spinning as I think....Did she really just make excuses in front of our mother-in-law for a woman who cheated on her husband????
My point is that telling allows people to be even more insensitive to my growing vulnerability. And, trust me, I've never felt more vulnerable about anything in my life as I am about this infertility thing. I also don't want people's pity - as the days go by, I feel more accepting that this is what God has put in front of us, and I feel so fortunate to be going through it with the absolute best man for me. Also, in some strange way, I feel blessed to have this experience with L. because it's taken our relationship to a level I don't think it could have otherwise reached. I think that going through infertility changes your relationship forever, and you learn things about each other you would have never otherwise known.
So, this is my quandry, and I'm particularly interested in what those of you out there in the IF world think. Did you tell or did you not and what was the outcome?
Chickenshit, Part 3
6 months ago