Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Jumping Off the High Dive

Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.
-Pema Chodron

A good friend of mine likened the anxiety I've been feeling over the last few days to pausing at the edge of the high dive, looking down at the water and preparing to jump. This was a perfect analogy because mentally it was time to begin this process days ago.

Tonight, we begin Lupron shots. I'm a little excited, a lot nervous - I know we are moving a step closer to the conclusion of this process which is so very frightening.

I'll admit, I have a tendency to overanalyze a little (not surprising to those of you who know me well). While this is sometimes a great quality, it makes this process a little more challenging. IVF was a decision we arrived at with much thought and even consternation. It wasn't a simple choice for us by any means, so actually getting started evokes some fear along with the excitement of forging ahead.

Today, I'm trying to relax as I look down at some pretty choppy, wavy water. I'm not sure what's ahead for us, and it's natural to feel some anxiety about that.

So, here goes.

Thank you so much for your prayers - as I get loaded up on hormones over these next few weeks, L. and anyone else who spends significant amounts of time with me might need a little spiritual support (and guidance) as well.

Postscript: Another friend of mine loaned me a book from which I took the above quote. It's called When Things Fall Apart. While the title might sound a little ominous to you, it really is a great account of looking fear in the face through meditation and a realistic perspective with a sense of hope. I highly recommend it!


AmyC623 said...

Have you done injections before? The first month I did them for ovulation induction I was scared and I would cry. But after calming down and realizing that it really didn't hurt I started relaxing and it REALLY, REALLY didn't hurt. I started focusing on keeping my head together and it really helped. I am thinking about you and I'm pulling for you! Good luck with the Lupron tonight! I can't wait to hear all about it! BIG HUGS!!!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I'm sure you'll be more excited than anxious soon.

the very best of luck.

Penny said...

Great book. Read it years ago, before I could imagine any infertility common threads.

The lupron does seem like Big Diving Board.

nancy said...

You know something? I actually miss doing the injections. I know I'm pregnant now due to the injections, but at the same time, I loved doing something so proactive. Just letting things play their course isn't as "fun".

I think this post was yesterday, so let us know how that first injection was. My first one was SO freaking ITCHY!

I Believe in Miracles said...

I LOVE your annalogy of jumping off the high board. That is so true.

Interesting - I need to do my lupron in the am. Will be praying for you too.


Alex and Jill said...

I'm so excited for you!

I remember that fear that you're speaking of. I promise it does pass. Good luck with the injections, you'll do great!

Praying for you....


SAHW said...

Perfect analogy...helps me understand what you're feeling a little better. :) Hoping the anxiety will turn to excitement soon. :)

LANIE said...

Sending prayers & love your way!!love,lanie

Jane G said...

Best of luck with it.

Faith said...

How did it go?? We start ours on Monday -- any advice?

womb for improvement said...

It is exciting, you're being proactive. Good luck.

Hope2morrow said...

Great! Jump in, girlfriend! I'm proud of you!It will all be worth it once we have our little ones in our arms.