Sunday, October 19, 2008

Filling the Glass: An Honest Attempt at Optimism

After a weekend of irrational, negative thoughts, I am trying to turn a corner. Thus, I've compiled a list of reasons our glass is fuller than I was willing to admit on Friday. I'm focusing on the fact that all is not lost, and we're still some direction, anyway.
  • Because I have L: L. has been a rock through this. He took the reins on Thursday, called the clinic and arranged for another ultrasound. Given that all I could do was cry and wonder how I was going to make it through my next work meeting, I felt so blessed to have his backup. I am so glad that we are in this together.

  • Because I have so much support: Thank you all so much for your support through this hurdle. I am really grateful for it. Every phone call, voicemail, e-mail, text message and blog comment mean the absolute world to me. It's amazing how much better we can make each other feel through just a small demonstration of support and encouragement.

  • Because I have an amazing mother: My mother has the patience of Job. She has been there for me any time I have needed her since this whole I.F. thing began. She faithfully (and tirelessly) listens and reassures me through my ongoing stream of irrational thoughts.

  • Because we still have the hope of a successful cycle. This little hiccup doesn't mean that the jig is up (Thank you, Penny, for your comment on Friday which reminded me of that). There still might be two pink lines (or in our case a very nice telephone call from Debbie the Nurse) at the end of this whole thing.

  • Because God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. I admit, I struggle with this especially at times like this, and I feel like screaming out that I literally can't take anything else. However, the gentle reminder on Nity's post (Thursday, Oct. 16) really affected me (positively). I'm working on getting over my "human-ness" and trying to find that faith again.

  • Because of the dedication of my British acupuncturist: She spent 45 minutes on the phone with me prior to our appointment on Friday evening processing this whole thing. She changed her treatment, and recommended brown rice, adzuki beans and minimal animal proteins. I think she is wonderful and would consider jumping off a bridge if she told me to - I currently have a large bag of long grain brown rice and several cans of beans on our kitchen counter.

So, there it is. These are the thoughts I'm trying to live by right now.

Here's to hoping for a glass that's brimming over with fertility for us all...


Hope2morrow said...

Sometimes just thinking about the things we DO have makes life seem more bearable, especially though the valleys. I'm glad you have some warm people around you to support and sustain you through this IF stuff.

I'm glad to see your chin up, dear!

Faith said...

It can be so hard. I'm glad you are letting yourself feel those very real emotions, but also that you're focusing on ALL that is GOOD in your life, too. No doubt this experience will shape us, but it will not define us!

I Believe in Miracles said...

I love your list. I can relate to so many of those. My big fear is failure... and so I too am trying to think of my glass half full and not even imagine the other circumstances. I'm still praying for you. Next month, right???

womb for improvement said...

Focusing on the positives is definitely the way forward. (And I'm glad there is a Brit in the list!). Maegan said...

good job being hopeful's so effing frustrating! We're giving up for a while. boo

twondra said...

That's a great post. I've also written posts saying what I'm thankful for when I'm down and it can be very therapeutic.

LANIE said...

Sending prayers & love your way. Just because your getting some hurdles in your way, don't give up. People always say that god doesn't give you what you can't handle. Just think of it being just hard right now, but the payoff is going to be so sweet...Love, lanie

April said...

thank you for reminding me that there are good things too.

my RE is always telling me not to underestimate the power of positive thinking.

**hugs** april